Group ride snot rockets and other antisocial behavior

Posted by SuperClydesdale on June 29, 2010 under Commentary | 6 Comments to Read

As someone who rides solo quiet a bit, I get to do whatever I want.  I do what I want, when I want, and at whatever pace I want.  If I plan on leaving at 10AM, I can leave at 10AM.  I don’t arrive at 10AM, spend 15 minutes getting my act together, then leave at 10:15AM, and if I did – so be it – nobody is waiting for me.  If I forget my pump, water bottle, wallet, multi-tool, or anything else, I’m the only one that has to pay the penalty — I go back and get it or do without.  Ahhh, the self-reliance of the solo ride.  I get an extra hour of riding time just by going alone.  Anti-social?  Perhaps.

In contrast is the group ride.  This is where an announced start time of is subject to interpretation.  Most people know it’s the time you’re supposed to start the ride, not when you arrive (then get ready).

When I post a group ride, the start time means we leave the parking lot at that time.    We all know people that are perpetually late.  This is a bad habit that drives me insane – it’s just saying “I don’t care about you.  It’s all about me and I had to stop and get a Caramel Macchiato regardless of whether you were waiting for me or not.”  These people probably wanted to be doctors when they were young but couldn’t get into medical school, so they just abuse other peoples schedules as if they were doctors.  Just because you have expensive equipment and are always late, it doesn’t make you a doctor, even if your handwriting is crap.

Another reason I tend to ride solo is the fact that I am a veritable snot factory.  When I ride, the snot just flows, year-round.  In the Winter, it’s prolific.  You’d think I’d lose weight just fueling booger casino en ligne pour mac production. — It must take some energy to pump out snot.  I dehydrate pretty quickly, so I’m constantly drinking.  I used to think it was because I’m sweating so much, but now I think a reasonable percentage of my water bottles just goes into the snot factory.

As a result, I have become a master practitioner of the farmer’s blow, aka the “snot rocket.”  The snot rocket is holding one finger up to a nostril, and giving a sudden, sharp blast through the other.  The result is an instant clearing of your nostril.   Alternate, then, done!  It works spectacularly, and as a solo rider, I do it whenever I feel the need.  It’s a habit, really, at this point.  The snot rocket can keep unwanted wheelsuckers at bay.  Once the freeloaders witness a blast or two, they’ll quickly see that the free ride can come with some undesirable consequences.

An excellent and superbly grotesque example of the snot rocket. This one by a soccer player. I kept trying to get a photo of a snot rocket during a group ride, but something kept getting on the camera lense!

When I go on the occasional group ride, I have to remind myself that there may be someone behind me.  I have to seek out an opportunity to swing wide of the group to clear my nose – much to the disgust of some of my ride partners.   While I understand their reaction, at least I have the consideration to move away from the group.  I’ve ridden with groups where – without warning – someone blows snot and provides his partners with a complimentary cooling mist.   At least the bigger chunks have enough mass to keep moving out away from the group, but the finer mist gets sucked into the rider’s wake, where it lands on whoever is behind.

Time to clean your sunglasses.

  • johnp77777 said,

    Dude! You had me howling with this one. I never knew there was a “handedness” to snot rockets. I just double barrel it. Once for both nostrils at the same time. Gotta catch the wind in the right direction tho.

    BTW, I just joined and love the site.

  • johnp77777 said,

    Dude! You had me howling with this one. I never knew there was a “handedness” to snot rockets. I just double barrel it. Once for both nostrils at the same time. Gotta catch the wind in the right direction tho.

    BTW, I just joined and love the site.

  • SuperClydesdale said,

    Ug! That sounds kinda nasty! Not enough force with both going at once. No proper “escape velocity” reached, then you look like a glazed donut. You must have incredible lung capacity to pull off the “twofer”

  • SuperClydesdale said,

    Ug! That sounds kinda nasty! Not enough force with both going at once. No proper “escape velocity” reached, then you look like a glazed donut. You must have incredible lung capacity to pull off the “twofer”

  • fathlete said,

    I was on a metric century last month, riding solo and hopping from group to group as a came across them. Well, I rolled up on a group of 3 riders (2 guys and 1 lady). The lady was in trailing the pack, and as approached her back wheel, she turned her head to the left and launched a snot rocket. Luckily I have quick reflexes and was able to serve right and avoid the mist and projectiles. I didn’t fault her, she didn’t know I was back there and I’m sure she thought her “non diva” action would not be seen by anyone. The most hilarious part was when she looked to the right and made eye contact with me. I just smirked, shook my head, stood up on my pedals and accelerated away from them.

  • fathlete said,

    I was on a metric century last month, riding solo and hopping from group to group as a came across them. Well, I rolled up on a group of 3 riders (2 guys and 1 lady). The lady was in trailing the pack, and as approached her back wheel, she turned her head to the left and launched a snot rocket. Luckily I have quick reflexes and was able to serve right and avoid the mist and projectiles. I didn’t fault her, she didn’t know I was back there and I’m sure she thought her “non diva” action would not be seen by anyone. The most hilarious part was when she looked to the right and made eye contact with me. I just smirked, shook my head, stood up on my pedals and accelerated away from them.

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