Get the F*** over!

Posted by SuperClydesdale on April 2, 2010 under Commentary | 2 Comments to Read

This month’s Bicycling magazine (if you call May 2010 this month’s since it’s April 2nd) has an article Two By Two, which discusses a topic that has grown near and dear to me – riding two abreast.  It discusses the legality of riding side-by-side with others.

I live in a rural area on a road that happens to be a primary cycling route for real cyclists (ones that like to climb).  Group rides on my road – and many of the main roads around me – are very common on weekends.   I ride these roads several times a week myself, and have done so for years.   But I, like most suburban cyclists – and most Americans, drive my car quite a bit as well.   My miles in the car were about 6x my miles on the bike last year.

A growing problem that I see is a total lack of courtesy from riders.   Many of these rural roads are winding and narrow — no bike lane to speak of, and limited visibility to allow motorists to pass.   Some riders just refuse to get over.  You can be stuck behind these guys for a while.   This is a problem — It creates hostility with the local drivers, which comes out towards all riders, even those that try to be considerate (i.e., me).

So, my message to my fellow riders is this:  get the F*** over!

I’ve invented a new phrase for people not wanting to drop the F bomb in public, “get the fover!” which translates directly to the phase “get the F*** over!”  Slightly more polite, and with your help, people will soon know what you mean by it.

While I share the joy of riding with my friends, and am generally very pro-cyclist, I also harbor fantasies of watching some dumbass rude cyclist dancing across the hood of my car.   I have no patience or sympathy for someone who will not adhere to common rules of courtesy.   I think that there are several potential explanations for this behavior:

Small man’s  syndrome

The more riders in a group, the greater the chance that they will be rude, as they borrow courage from others in the group.  People who would be polite and timid by themselves grow a pair of brass balls in the group ride, then quickly put them away when the ride is over and the safety of the group dissipates.  Now, perhaps it’s the sizeist in me, but these boorish riders appear to be mostly little dudes.   Not too many Clydesdales feel the need to poke their finger in your eye.  We’ve got such great lives, we just are out to have a good time.

A small penis

If it’s not little-mans syndrome, then it’s a lack of consideration for others.  The guys that won’t get over are the same ones that will not use a urinal, then pee all over the toilet seat in a public restroom.  Rest assured that they would not do that at home.   I’ve concluded that these guys must be very self-conscious because they have very small penises and don’t want to risk someone seeing.    It’s fact.    Again, not too many Clydesdales afflicted here either – recall the old saying about men with big hands and big feet (besides the big shoes and big gloves).

So perhaps next time you’re stuck behind some guy who refuses to get over, the appropriate shout might be, “hey, stubby!  Get the F*** over!” or “get the F*** over, dude with the tiny penis!”  Perhaps really go for it by combining their multiple shortcomings with something like, “get the fover — and stop peeing on toilet seats, you dickless wonder!”

Vanity

As discussed in a previous article, there is no shame in wearing a mirror.  In fact, a mirror is key to considerate riding.   Some people are inclined get over, but cars are so quiet these days that many times, they don’t know a car is there until it’s right on their ass.  With a mirror, you see cars coming, and have a lot of time to get over, and cars can pass quickly.   Mirrors are great because then you can actually spend most of the time riding side-by-side  because you’ll be able to see cars coming and not worry about being surprised.

Unfortunately, most riders do not wear mirrors.  I think this is vanity – they think that it looks dorky.

Here’s a secret:  you already look dorky.   EVERYONE THINKS YOU LOOK LIKE A TOTAL IDIOT IN YOUR LYCRA! Get over it.  You look like a complete and total fool to almost everyone that does not ride.

So, in an effort to make you slightly more self-aware, please repeat after me:

I do not look cool in my kit.

I do not look cool in my kit.

I do not look cool in my kit.

Wear the mirror, and you will be surprised at how much more enjoyable your rides are.   I wear one on almost every ride, and I ride two abreast on most rides that I do with friends.  I frequently check the mirror, and simply get over when I see a car coming.  That’s how it works!  It’s fun.  It’s easy.

A total lack of self awareness – or exceedingly low IQ

This is a common issue across society, whether it’s out riding a bike, or shopping at Costco.   People who really –as my friend Dan might say —  “are just as happy as if they had brains.”

These people are like a wrecking ball in a pace line.   Erratic behavior, poor decisions, total lack of understanding or concern as to how their decisions affect others.  Sudden braking, not calling out obstacles, etc.

We all know these people – people that are so self-absorbed or unaware that they don’t even seem to know that there’s a society around them.  These are people that walk up to cash register, seemingly unaware of the long line that they are cutting in front of.  They don’t understand their right-of-way at an intersection.  They merge into traffic without even looking.  They pull out in front of you.  They turn left with their right signal on.

Dullards may not even know that they are out in traffic.   Not much to do with this.  We can just hope they are Darwin Award finalists.

Whatever the reason, rude cyclists make it tough on the rest of us.  While I try to use my awesome psychokinetic powers to cause them harm, I will never have enough time to make a dent in the problem.   Its only through ruthless ridicule that rude riding (and peeing on toilet seats) will stop.   Don’t just accept it!  Shame your riding buddies into being respectful members of the cycling community.  Don’t invite these people on the group ride.  Talk to them.  Spray them with water.  Push them into oncoming traffic – whatever!  Just keep them the fover!

  • empire builder said,

    Your observation about people with total lack of self-awareness reminds me of an exchange I had a few years ago with a guy I know. I was bitching about how clueless the drivers in my town are, and he said, “You’re pissed off because they don’t give a shit.” And I blurted out, “No, it’s because they don’t even know there’s a shit to give!” I think that quite nicely sums up what we (the aware people) are having to deal with, don’t you?

  • empire builder said,

    Your observation about people with total lack of self-awareness reminds me of an exchange I had a few years ago with a guy I know. I was bitching about how clueless the drivers in my town are, and he said, “You’re pissed off because they don’t give a shit.” And I blurted out, “No, it’s because they don’t even know there’s a shit to give!” I think that quite nicely sums up what we (the aware people) are having to deal with, don’t you?

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